¿PUEDES VIVIR CON LAS CONSECUENCIAS?

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La palabra consecuencias y el concepto que encierra me recuerdan muchísimo a mi Madre.

Era una de sus mejores herramientas de trabajo.  ¿Qué trabajo? Principalmente el de criar dos hijas, con muy poca o ninguna ayuda.  Ella quería hacer este trabajo de la mejor manera posible, con los mejores resultados posibles, reconociendo que cuando son pequeños, podemos guiar a los hijos y a veces hasta obligarlos a que hagan las cosas de cierta forma.  Pero los niños crecen y deben llegar a ser adultos responsables e independientes.  Así que, siendo realista, sabía que era vital, en unos casos darnos las herramientas que se requieren en la vida, y en otros ayudarnos a encontrarlas y hasta fabricarlas.  Claro está, este concepto estaba presente en cada aspecto de su vida y sus actividades, no sólo en nuestra crianza.

Antes de continuar, vamos, como siempre, a las definiciones.  Por cierto, siempre trato de estar y que estemos claros en las definiciones.  Es que a veces discutimos, peleamos y hasta nos enojamos, todo por no estar claros en nuestras definiciones.  Si sabemos de lo que estamos hablando, no necesariamente dejaremos de pelear, pero nuestras peleas serán más “educadas” y por lo menos sabremos por qué peleamos.

Definición:  consecuencia, Real Academia Española (RAE):

“Hecho o acontecimiento que se sigue o resulta de otro.

Correspondencia entre los principios que profesa una persona y su conducta.”

Esto es parecido, no igual, a la ley del karma. Claro ésta última tiene unos elementos que envuelven creencias que no todos compartimos y podría ser otro tema de discusión.  Mientras que consecuencias, así solito, es algo a lo que todos estamos expuestos y no hay creencia que valga para librarnos de ellas.  Lo podemos ver muy claramente si pensamos en lo que nos podría pasar si estamos conduciendo y nos pasamos o “comemos” la luz roja del semáforo.  Pero en otros casos, puede que no sea tan sencillo ver las consecuencias que pueden tener nuestras acciones u omisiones.

En cuanto a la instrucción y crianza que nos dio nuestra Madre, la palabra o el concepto consecuencias aparecía cada vez que tuviéramos que tomar una decisión, por pequeña que fuera.  También estaba presente cada vez que recibíamos instrucciones o guía.

¿Cómo administraba mi querida Madre el concepto consecuencias en su proceso de educarnos? Fácilmente …para ella.  Si preguntábamos:  “Mami, ¿qué hago?”  La contestación jamás era lo que esperábamos, instrucciones sobre qué hacer.  Oh, no.  Lo primero era ayudarnos a analizar el por qué y el cómo de la decisión a tomar.  Luego, ajá, ahí es que entran las consecuencias, nos hacía evaluar los posibles resultados de las opciones que teníamos ante nosotras.  Entonces, llegaba el momento de asumir responsabilidad, la nuestra, no la de ella.  La pregunta era:  “¿Puedes vivir con las consecuencias?”  Y he ahí parte de la importancia de tener en cuenta las consecuencias al actuar:  nos enseña a asumir responsabilidad por nuestros actos.

Por otro lado, si nos daba instrucciones o esperaba algo de nosotras, también estaban presentes las consecuencias, por supuesto. Voy a dar dos ejemplos, y, créanme, no me resulta fácil confesar.  Pero, ni modo, aquí vamos.

Cuando yo tenía unos cinco o seis años, ella me explicó que íbamos a regalarle parte de mi ropa a otra niña.  Como era muy probable que viéramos a esa niña con cierta frecuencia, Mami me dio el discurso de:  “No se te ocurra decir:  ‘Ay, qué bonito te quedó el traje que te regalé.’, ni nada por el estilo.”  Me recordó el principio de “que no sepa tu mano izquierda lo que hace la derecha”.  “Eso quiere decir que cuando regalamos algo, no es de buenos modales señalarlo o anunciarlo.  Si lo hacemos podríamos hacer sentir mal a la persona que recibió el regalo.  Además, no debemos jactarnos del bien que hacemos.”  También me dijo que si cometía ese error, iba a tener un problema bien grande.  Traducción:  consecuencias.  Perfecto, entendí.  ¿Entendí?  La próxima vez que vi a la niña, tenía puesto uno de “mis” vestidos, y ¿qué fue lo primero que le dije?  “Ay, qué bonito te quedó el traje que te regalé.”  Se podrán imaginar lo que pasó a continuación:  primero, un pellizco que me hizo subir hasta el cielo, luego ooootro discurso y, para completar, un castigo.  Consecuencias.

El otro ejemplo, ay, Dios, no, mejor me lo reservo.

De acuerdo, no, no me lo reservo.  Lo contaré, porque otra cosa importante en este asunto es el hecho de que nuestras acciones u omisiones tienen consecuencias, no sólo para nosotros, sino también para otros.  Y lo peor es que, a veces esos otros son víctimas inocentes, ajenos a la decisión que tomamos o dejamos de tomar.

Pues, en una ocasión mi madre me comentó que tenía una ensalada de frutas que iba a usar para preparar un postre.  Como sabía que me encantaba, me advirtió que no la tocara, pues la necesitaba completa.  Ella y mi hermana tenían que salir, yo no me sentía muy bien, así es que me quedé en la casa.  No sé cuántas visitas hice a la cocina, mirando la ensalada de frutas y tratando de resistir la tentación de comer un poquito.  Cuando no pude resistir, comí eso, un poquito.  La conciencia culpable me mataba. Así es que cuando Mami y mi hermana llegaron, no habían abierto bien la puerta, yo que confieso:  “Mami, perdóname, me comí un poco de la ensalada de frutas, fue sólo un poquito, tienes suficiente para el postre, perdón, sé que no le debí hacer.”  Esta vez no hubo pellizco, ni discurso, sí hubo castigo.  Primero, siguió caminando sin pronunciar palabra y sin mirarme.  Fue al cuarto, soltó la cartera y zapatos, se cambió de ropa, y regresó a la cocina.  Yo, a todo esto, iba detrás de ella hablando, hablando y hablando.  Ella, callada, callada y callada.  Finalmente, con toda su calma, vació tooooda la ensalada de frutas en un plato de sopa, le puso una cuchara al lado y me llamó a la mesa.  “Como te gusta tanto la ensalada de frutas, que eres capaz de desobedecer una instrucción expresa y clara, ahora te la vas a comer toda, no puedes dejar nada.  No te levantes hasta que te la hayas comido toda.”  Yo no lo podía creer, mi hermana tampoco.  Pero, ni modo.  Mami se paró a mi lado como un guardia y tuve que empezar a comer.  De más está decir que tuve náusea, lloré, supliqué, seguí pidiendo perdón, prometí, pero nada.  Me la tuve que comer. Consecuencia:  castigo.

Tengo que confesar que más fuerte que la incomodidad y el malestar de comer toda la ensalada, era la otra consecuencia, la vergüenza que sentía por haber desobedecido y no haber resistido la tentación.  Además, aquí es donde entra el afectar a otros, mi hermana también recibió su agüita.  Desde que Mami anunció el castigo, mi hermana empezó a interceder por mí.  Mami le dijo que no interviniera, pero cuando me quejé de dolor y dije que ya no podía seguir comiendo, mi hermana volvió a pedirle a Mami que me levantara el castigo.  ¿Resultado, consecuencias?  Mami le dijo, bien seria, mirándola directamente, que yo no necesitaba abogada, que no interviniera porque iba a salir peor que yo.  Ay, ay, ay.

Nota al calce:  No comí ensalada de frutas durante años.  Todo lo anterior: consecuencias para culpables e inocentes.

Seguramente a alguno de ustedes le ha sucedido que ha depositado su confianza en una persona, un amigo o amiga, que parecía merecerlo.  Pero esa persona traiciona esa confianza.  Puede ser que haya un rompimiento momentáneo y luego perdonamos y se reanuda la relación.  Pero, ¿verdad que ya no es igual? Nos quedamos con una duda, una inseguridad que no nos permite confiar de la misma manera que antes.  Eso también es consecuencia de la manera de actuar de esa persona y nuestra reacción por la forma en que nos hizo sentir.

Estos ejemplos serán muy parecidos a las situaciones por las que muchos de ustedes habrán pasado.  Y, claro, no son asuntos muy graves.  Pero sí nos sirven para evaluar, medir y controlar nuestras acciones.  Además, muestran que cuando un niño aprende que sus actos tienen consecuencias, es más probable que mida muy bien sus pasos a través de la vida, lo que debería traer buenos resultados. Ante decisiones o pasos importantes, el medir las consecuencias puede librarnos de situaciones desagradables y hasta peligrosas. También puede contribuir a nuestra tranquilidad y felicidad y la de otros.  En asuntos de mayor importancia puede hasta salvarnos la vida.

ara 05212017

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